Monday, May 12, 2008

Beyond Stupid

Last night I was the ultimate Jackass.. Beyond stupid.

Why is it we always take out our frustration on the ones we love. And never for any good reason. Perhaps because they are always there for us, even when they wish they weren’t.

My true frustration this yesterday was all just with myself. The person I am, the cyclist I am. What I’ve become.... But that’s not what came across.

I just felt behind on everything in life yesterday.

Sunday began great, a sweet Mother’s day card from our boys and a nice breakfast with the hubby (even though Cracker Barrel didn’t sit well for either of us). Followed up by a little road ride. Another solo road ride for me, the post-race day slow easy recovery ride. Probably like many other people out there.

But I got all wound up that my pace isn’t fast enough to ride with anyone else. That I couldn’t climb up that gravel hill faster on Saturday. Okay, a whole self pity experience. But instead of just swallowing my pity, or at least talking about why I was actually down, I just became a moron. I don’t think I really realized until today why I was so “off” yesterday.

My hubby is nothing but wonderful and supportive and certainly doesn’t deserve to deal with a basket case, but he did last night. Every day he does numerous wonderful things for me. For me. Why do I never say the great things I think and feel every day. Why was I focused on the negative of me. Why don’t I show my gratitude. Why don’t I tell my hubby how great he is every day. Because I’m a jackass.

Today I wish I could call in a” re-do”. It was one of those nights where “I’m sorry” doesn’t quite cover it.

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