Pain & Apologies

That was the Fairhill race for me.

My toe was more painful than the prior weekend for whatever reason. I was really really really hurting. I was debating the logic of why we all put ourselves through the pain of racing and particularly, why was I today. This day was all about just trying to finish but wondering if I should.

I fully convinced myself during today’s race that my racing days were done. The towel is thrown.

Apologies…

To everyone that I was a bitch & anti-social to, including but certainly not limited to:

The guy that was having a tough day and just wanted to ride with me to the finish. He said he knew I wouldn’t DNF and planned to ride with me to get him to the end. I apologize that I could not be social, couldn’t be friendly in any way.. nor could I manage to keep company during the race. I just needed to struggle through this. I think you were bailing at one of the water stops.. sorry.

To Marc and his crew at the awesome water stop and pool. Thank you for hanging out at your stop even when you could have easily packed up and left since everyone else besides me and one other had already finished. I only bitched as I went by and that isn’t what I wish I would have done. Sorry for not actually being thankful at the time for the fun you were adding to the event and not enjoying it.

Fernando and his sweeping buddy. I hope I wasn’t a complete bitch. I know I certainly wasn’t social. Sorry I wouldn’t talk more and thank you for hanging back and just letting me struggle alone.

Overall, I was just pissed. I can’t ride because I couldn’t open a freakin’ door without hitting my toe! WTF!!

Fairhill – A blast of a course, normally. Full of awesome trails; fast, twisty, fun singletrack (with the exception of a few fire roads). I wanted to enjoy the trails but I certainly wasn’t. Every one of those roots were shooting pain and every fast twisty decent, that normally I would have loved, I was dreading since you kinda have to get out of the saddle and balance your weight on your feet!

I was slow. I was unhappy. I kept turning around expecting to be passed. There were two of us in my class and I had taken the lead early on. I couldn’t believe that I would lose 1st because of the pain. But to my surprise, she didn’t catch me and was actually 35 minutes back at the finish. So after “discussing” with the promoter’s that my racing class does actually exist and I got 1st, I received my medal and pint glass. Most days I would have just walked away with nothing and not cared but after the pain I went through I was getting that damn medal and pint glass.

And I’ve reconsidered the throwing of the towel.

Somehow I’ll make it through Nationals on Friday. Hopefully with less miles and another week of recovery I’ll have less pain. I know I’d be more upset with myself if I didn’t do it. And I know I wouldn’t be happy if I gave up racing and everything that comes along with it.